Top 10 Therapy takeaways- You can’t pour from an empty cup-Self Care

Self Care

I read the other day that a lot of podcasts don't actually make it past episode three. So if we include the intro and these first two, then we've made it to three. So I'm super excited because I know we're gonna make it to ten since I've already planned those out. And if I put the effort into that, I'm just gonna keep going with it. So luckily I won't be that first statistic. Anyway, I went a little long on my last one, and I'm gonna try and keep this one closer to ten minutes. At least, you know, close.

But our second therapy takeaway is that you can't pour from an empty cup. Self-care. What is self-care? Well, I truly think we get this one wrong a lot because self-care became such a buzzword for a while. I don't really

want us to dump on that bandwagon it's a little too trendy that's not what I'm talking about. Don't get me wrong, I love a good massage. I try to get mine regularly. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not. I love to get my nails done. Occasionally I make time to get my hair done and they are helpful and they feel good and they make me feel good. And those are all good things, but they're not really what I'm talking about. I want us to go a little deeper than that. I want us to focus

And be more intentional about the things that can truly refuel us. Number one is exercise. I know you're all thrilled that that's what I'm saying. I think that is vital whether you're going to a workout group, taking a 15-minute walk, doing a workout video, hitting the gym. It doesn't matter which one, you just need to be moving your body. I have a workout group.

group that I go to and I love my people and that matters to me and that keeps me going. I think that's why I've stuck to this workout group as long as I have definitely longer than anything else I've done. And I know for me if I try to just do it on my own, it's not gonna happen as often. So sometimes there's kind of bonus in that exercise is for me it's also a social connection.

I definitely work out for my mental health as much as I do for my physical health. Yes, I know it's important for my physical health. Yes, I'm always the perpetual I want to lose weight, let me exercise more, I want to be stronger, I want my heart to be strong. But it really affects my mental health faster when I miss. I can tell my mood, I become more irritable. it kind of shows up that I need to at least like.

Get out and go for a walk or do something if for some reason I've missed my workouts. And truthfully, there has to be a reason these days for me to miss it. I will schedule around my group because I know how important it is for me. And we all know there's so many studies out there that will tell you that exercise is one of the best things for your mental health when they've done some studies on various medications. Exercise actually tops most of

them in helping with depression. So keep that in mind. Again, it doesn't have to be a hardcore boot camp, but it can be. Really, you just need to move your body. And I believe trying to get outside as often as possible when you're working out is great. Now yesterday it was 107 degrees so the last thing I wanted to do was be outside. But I did I did actually work out in the morning outside

So I have to kind of pick my time. But the vitamin D, the sunshine, they are also really good for our mental health. We want to make sure that we're getting those in one capacity or another. But yes, be smart. If it's too cold or too hot, those may be times that we don't go outside.

The next thing that it we need to make sure we're doing for ourselves is having a community, having a connection. I think this one gets missed a lot when we're talking about self-care, but we all need to feel connected. We need to have a community.

An unpopular opinion, I don't just mean an online community. Just from the clients that I see, I know that there are a few people that they struggle in the social realm and they lean into that online community. And yes, it is better than nothing. I'm glad they are finding connection there. But again, we need that physical connection with others. There are, again, there are studies out there that will show you what eye contact does to the brain.

how being around another human affects your brain. And those are really vital to our self-care. Even if you are an introvert, because an introvert doesn't mean you don't like people, it means that you need your alone time. You need to refuel on your own, you need to recharge your battery, and that is a hundred percent okay. That is self-care. You making sure you get that time.

Is taking care of yourself. I'm the opposite. I refuel with people. I recharge my battery with people. If I'm alone for a long time, which I'll be honest, it doesn't happen very often. I start to to just not feel my best, right? I need that connection. It doesn't matter which way.

If again, if you're introvert, an extrovert, social, not social, you still need some kind of connection with another human being. We were not designed as solitary animals. We are designed as group animals. That's why we live in families. It's why we are connected. It doesn't matter if it's a girl's night out, a guy's night out, maybe it's your fantasy football draft that you get together with other people for. These are important.

Someone No, I said that. Okay. sorry y'all losing my place on where we're going.

I also think you need to vary that. Now, again, I'm the social person, so I need time with my husband, I need time with my girlfriends, I need time with my kids, I want that varied, but maybe you just need a few small group people. You need to find that connection in one or two people, and that's okay. just making sure that you're finding that connection.

So we've all heard the analogy, yes, I know it's overused, but that's because it's accurate. You know, when on an airplane you put your child's oxygen mask on first, and then or let me just totally botch that. No, when you're on an airplane, you do not put your child's oxygen mask on first. You put yours on first. Our automatic instinct is to put our child's on first. But the problem there is if something happens to us in that process, then neither one of us are able to help. So we take care of ourselves first because

then even if our child passes out, we are able to put the mask on them, right? again, it's not natural. We want to take care a lot of us are in a helping profession. We want to take care of others. So we tend to put other people first because putting ourselves first feels selfish.

It's not selfish if you're taking care of what you need. That's very different than being selfish. You have to take care of yourself. You can't run out of air, or you are no good to anyone else. Some of us are in the helping profession, some volunteer. Those are all great things. Some of us are just moms that we tend to let our children come first, but we have to make sure that we are coming first. It is so vital to being the best that we can be.

Our next concept is again not hugely popular. We don't think of it as self-care, but it is having a hobby. You need to have something that you enjoy doing that is also a creative outlet. Now I am guilty of letting this one fall by the wayside. With our current foster placement, we have four kiddos, and they're a great group of kids. I couldn't ask for better kiddos, but that means including my son that is still home, there are five children in my home: 15, 8, 6, 2, and the baby. Even though they're great kids, they're kids, right? They need stuff. They're needy in some ways. They have all the things going on. They're busy. So my hobby tends to be the first thing that gets moved off the list. I love to crochet, but if I'm gonna be a hundred percent honest with you, until last night I haven't touched it in over two months because of having the kiddos and being busy.

And really, in planning this, I thought I really haven't done that in a while, and I was missing it. So I made sure that last night after the kids were in bed, I pulled my crochet out and just started working on something. I can find that time if I really am intentional, right? It's not something that has to be daily, it can be, but maybe I just need to make sure that every week I'm pulling it out to do something. I need to make sure that creative outlet is happening.

what I tend to find myself doing when I have those free minutes is I may pull out my phone and scroll thinking, look, I get to sit down and do whatever I want for a minute, and that's faster just to pick out my phone. I don't need a Doom Scroll. That's not helping anyone. It's definitely, definitely not helping my mental health. In fact, part of our mental health should be taking that separation from the phone. I'll also pull out my iPad to play a game. Is it horrible for me to play a game? No. Is it

Really, my hobby? No, it's a time filler. I mean, I like playing my block blast or whatever game I'm currently on, and that's okay, but if I'm letting it fill in time that would really be better used somewhere else, then I'm the one missing out. I'm missing out on my creative outlet. so why is creativity important? Your imagination, whether you're five or fifty, is always.

Going right, maybe you're using your imagination in your creative outlet, you're painting something new, you're crocheting, you're taking a picture, you're writing, you're creating whatever that is, or maybe your imagination is running away with you in all the what ifs and what could possibly go wrong, and so your imagination is leading to your anxiety. That all comes from the same part of the brain, it's just one side is a healthy outlet and one is not. So we really want to put our creative brain to use in a positive way, which also reduces that anxiety.

Alright, this next one I'm gonna go through pretty quick because I actually have a whole episode planned for it soon. But a gratitude practice, believe it or not, that is self-care. Why is it self-care? Because it changes the way our brain works. It helps our brain look for the positive. It puts us in a better mental space. So finding five things that you're grateful for every day, something new every day will change the way you look at things. But again, we're gonna come back to that one in a few weeks.

So I'm not gonna spend a lot of time there. water, water, water, water, water. This one is kind of funny, and again, we we debate it now because those of us that are a little older grew up not running around with a water bottle all the time. We didn't take them to school. If you needed a drink at school, you g went to the water fountain and you only did that once or twice a day. And you didn't have a water bottle at every sports meet, and you didn't have

Everywhere you went, right? And now I guarantee you I have my water everywhere I go. I can't stand to leave it somewhere. It makes me mad. But we do know now, we can look at the research. We are learning more and we're using that learning, right? That that dehydration, even that minimal dehydration, affects our brain and it affects the way our body operates. So making sure that we're drinking water every day helps our mental and physical health. So even though we joke around

About our crazy water bottles and all the things, we do know it's important. The body responds to being hydrated.

Rachel Hollis, if you're familiar with her, she has Girl Wash Your Face, she has several podcasts. she's someone I like to listen to. she has what's called Five to Thrive. And I really liked this when I heard it. Now we've talked about some of these. Her five are her gratitude practice, getting her water in every day, moving her body, waking up early, and then releasing a bad habit. I think this is a great model for self-care.

Having those things that she just kind of ticks off of her list every day keep her in the right headspace. Now, on the flip side, one thing I want you to be careful of is self-care isn't harmful. Nothing about self-care is harmful. So some of those things that we throw out there, most of the time we're joking, but they kind of tend to get in there, are sneaky and they aren't horrible things.

To do, they're just not self-care, right? So if alcohol intake is your self-care and your alcohol intake becomes high because it reduces your stress to have that glass of wine, have that beer, have whatever, then that's not self-care, right? Don't get me wrong, I love a glass of wine. But if that's what I'm doing to function, it's not self-care. It is not that good for my body to have that much alcohol.

So again, you have to decide how much drinking you need to do and how much you don't need to do, but it is not self care. Retail therapy, I love to joke about this one. that's how I, you know, tell my husband it's retail therapy. I had to go, right? It's good for me. But that's the joke. It is not necessarily good for me. It is not self care. Is it okay for me to go shopping? Yes. However, if it starts to create a financial problem.

Burden for me and my family, it's not healthy. It's harmful. So be careful of those sneaky little things that get labeled self-care. And if you think about it, you can figure out who labeled them self-care. We live in a culture right now that really drinks a lot. I know. I've gotten sucked into it. We

Don't know how to get together without drinking. We drink socially, we drink privately, we it's it's a normal thing, right? As to where 15, 20 years ago, it was not a normal thing to drink every night. It was not a normal thing to drink every time you went out with friends. That is a cultural shift. So we have to watch out for those cultural shifts and how they impact us on a day-to-day.

So coming back, self-care, we have to think of the physical, the exercise, the mental, the emotional, the social. All four components are important, right? The social being that connected piece. the emotional kind of aligns in with that gratitude, all the things.

If we aren't getting them, we aren't able to live our best life. And we become empty. We cannot pour from that empty cup. If you're depleted, you can't help others. If you're depleted, you can't be living your best life. You can't be the best you want to be. Self-care is vital to you being the best. I really hope that this topic was good for you guys today. I again think we kind of get it wrong sometimes.

So I think I stayed closer to that 10-minute mark. I hope so. I don't want to take too much of your time. I just want to be a little bit of help during the day. I do want to throw out there again that if you are struggling, this podcast does not replace therapy. It may be some great components of therapy, but you need to seek out an individual therapist that can work with you that can tailor things just specifically for you.